The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate
by Fran Hauser
28 popular highlights from this book
Key Insights & Memorable Quotes
Below are the most popular and impactful highlights and quotes from The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate:
Common Speech Weakners: - Voicing an opinion by saying, "I might be wrong about this, but...." By starting your sentence this way, you are discrediting your own idea before you even say it. - Failing to take ownership of your idea by saying "I feel" instead of "I know". - Making an assertion into a question by raising your voice at the end of your sentence. - Shrugging or loking down when speaking. This kind of body language makes us seem less confident and capable. - Communicating a lack of commitment to our statements by allowing our voice to rail off at the end of our sentence.
If you take a risk and it doesn't go as planned, welcome to the club.
If we allow ourselves to become pushovers, then our kindness stops being an asset and becomes a liability.
Remember to draw a line between being nice in a strong way and simply being a people pleaser.Nice: Positive, yet honest and straightforward.People pleaser: Sweeping things under the rug to avoid making waves.
Thinking of others isn't a problem as long as you don't fall into the trap of giving and never asking for anything in return from the people you're networking with.
When you make a decision, own it. Never apologize for your decision - even if you have to revisit it later or the results are not what you wanted. When I've made a decision that didn't garner positive results, I've said, "We made the best decision we could based on the facts at the time, but given where we are now as a company and what our goals are, we now need to revisit this decision.
Once I did find my voice, I saw that it was necessary to speak up in order to be as effective as possible in my role. Yet, many of the women around me still fell into the trap of being seen as ineffective or weak because they never took a vocal stand. No matter how brilliant and impressive these women may have been in one-on-one discussions, not speaking up in meetings hurt their chances of succeeding professionally. When women don't share their ideas with a large number of people, their contributions are easily over looked , and it's difficult for them to be seen as leaders. People naturally want to follow people who take a stand and voice their opinions with confidence.
You must find time to invest in yourself and your career. This isn't selfish - it will also be good for the company you work for because you'll add extra value.
We can be considerate of others and ourselves; accommodating and assertive; someone who speaks up and is humble; a team player who still always looks out for number one—you! And we can do that by embracing the traits of kindness and compassion that feel authentic to our personalities.
if your kindness is the foundation for your friendship and it’s authentic, that relationship can stand strong. But if that kindness is fake, your relationship will inevitably topple. It all goes back to trust. If you’re inauthentic, people won’t trust you. And without trust, there is no relationship. Research shows that our instincts tell us to ask ourselves two questions when we first meet someone: “Can I trust this person?” and “Can I respect this person?” We look to a person’s genuine warmth and competence to answer these two questions.
When you aren’t being true to yourself, it’s impossible to feel confident in your own skin. It’s very uncomfortable to pretend to be something you’re not, and it becomes nearly impossible to live up to your potential because you’re so focused on keeping up the façade. True success comes when you use your talents and your genuine kindness to do work that is aligned with your values and passions. This is how you can leverage all of the best parts of you.
A mentor is someone who is willing to give you advice that isn't in their own best interest. It takes a real mentor to put you first.
Plant seeds for your future by pursuing an interest or hobby outside of work.Connect the dots by pairing the skills and information you learn while investing in yourself with people in your network.
Before every meeting, I made an active commitment to myself to make at least one comment, in the meeting besides a simple throwaway line like "Yes" or "That's interesting!
Before you arrive at any networking event, read the industry trade news beforehand Better still, read the trades on a regular basis, Be prepared to discuss the news or ask a question about what you've read. If you're meeting with a specific person, be sure to have checked their Twitter, LinkedIn, and blogs beforehand. This kind of preparation will give you confidence going into a meeting.
What I wish I knew when I asked for a raise in my twenties:- Remember: the world is not going to end if you get "no" for an answer- You have succeeded before- Be confident and keep it positive- Stop waiting for the perfect moment- Use "no" to fuel your next steps
Techniques for making decision:- Fill in the gaps (Discuss with domain experts)- Have a Go-To Team (Team that understands you and are aligned with your core values)- Pull in the stake holders- Visualize what your world would look like with that decision- Take emotions out of the decision (Take time if needed)- Think in advance about the worst case scenario- Mitigate the risk of worst case scenario
When you put yourself in the other person's shoes, you can see that the person critiquing you is merely trying to help.
Remember, nonverbal communication is extremely important. Be cognisant of your posture, eye contact, and the amount of physical space you take up.
To create an opportunity, start with a casual conversation, and then, if you receive an enthusiastic response, move on to a more formal proposal. For this initial conversation, give him or her the headline first. What is the subject you are there to discuss? Then, break your idea down into three bullet points that summarize: (1) the opportunity you are capitalizing on (or the problem you’re trying to solve), (2) a few data points that demonstrate the size of the opportunity, and (3) why you’re the one to address it.
Just so we are clear, don’t mistake my kindness for stupidity.
Research shows that our instincts tell us to ask ourselves two questions when we first meet someone: “Can I trust this person?” and “Can I respect this person?” We look to a person’s genuine warmth and competence to answer these two questions.
It doesn’t diminish anyone else for you to stand up straight and speak with authority. In fact, it’s a gift to other women to take the space and airtime that you need because the more women stop camouflaging themselves, the more we lead the way for every woman and girl to be as powerful as they can be.
describing a woman who cares deeply about other people and who wants to connect with them, who is guided by a strong sense of values to do the right thing. She is considerate, respectful, and kind. There’s a warmth and magnetism about her that draws people to her side and makes them feel good in her presence. At work, she’s fair, collaborative, and generous. Instead of competing against other women, she elevates them by sharing the credit for a job well done. She has a deep, unshakable confidence that there are plenty of opportunities to go around.
After years of self-discovery, building a successful career, and paying close attention to what worked and—most importantly—what felt right for me, I ultimately came to see that I didn’t have to sacrifice my values or hide my authentic personality in the name of achieving success. In fact, as I learned to own my natural kindness, it has become my professional superpower.
Back when I was struggling with all of this, my boss saw that I was having difficulty contribution in meetings and noted how very different this was from his experience of me when we met one-on-one. To urge me to speak up more, he began giving me assignments before each meeting. He would call me and say, "Fran in today's meeting, I am going to ask you to give everyone an update on the restructuring".
I asked Alicia to think about the people she knew whose work she admired.
When faced with difficult situation and to develop confidence at such crucial times, ask yourself these:- When have I done something difficult... and survived?- When have I made wise choices?- What process have I used when making successful decisions?
