Heart of a Dog

“Kindness. The only possible method when dealing with a living creature. You'll get nowhere with an animal if you use terror, no matter what its level of development may be. That I have maintained, do maintain and always will maintain. People who think you can use terror are quite wrong. No, no, terror is useless, whatever its colour – white, red or even brown! Terror completely paralyses the nervous system.”

“Nobody should be whipped. Remember that, once and for all. Neither man nor animal can be influenced by anything but suggestion.”

“The whole horror of the situation is that he now has a human heart, not a dog's heart. And about the rottenest heart in all creation!”

“One can find time for everything if one is never in a hurry.”

“A dog's spirit dies hard.”

“Food, Ivan Arnoldovich, is a subtle thing. One must know how to eat, yet just think – most people don’t know how to eat at all. One must not only know what to eat, but when and how.’ (Philip Philipovich waved his fork meaningfully.) ‘And what to say while you’re eating. Yes, my dear sir. If you care about your digestion, my advice is – don’t talk about bolshevism or medicine at table. And, God forbid – never read Soviet newspapers before dinner.’ ‘M’mm . . . But there are no other newspapers.’ ‘In that case don’t read any at all. Do you know I once made thirty tests in my clinic. And what do you think? The patients who never read newspapers felt excellent. Those whom I specially made read Pravda all lost weight.”

“Eyes mean a lot. Like a barometer. They tell you everything-they tell you who has a heart of stone, who would poke the toe of his boot in your ribs as soon as look at you-and who’s afraid of you. The cowards – they’re the ones whose ankles I like to snap at. If they’re scared, I go for them. Serve them right..grrr..bow-wow…” Chapter 1”

“His swearing is methodical, continuous, and apparently entirely senseless.”

“The rule apparently is – once a social revolution takes place there’sno need to stoke the boiler. But I ask you: why, when this whole business started, should everybody suddenly start clumping up and down the marble staircase in dirty galoshes and felt boots? Why must we now keep our galoshes under lock and key? And put a soldier on guard over them to prevent them from being stolen? Why has the carpet been removed from the front staircase? Did Marx forbid people to keep their staircases carpeted? Did Karl Marx say anywherethat the front door of No. 2 Kalabukhov House in Prechistenka Street must be boarded up so that people have to go round and come in by the back door? What good does it do anybody? Why can’t the proletarians leave their galoshes downstairs instead of dirtying the staircase?’‘But the proletarians don’t have any galoshes, Philip Philipovich,’ stammered the doctor.”

“Why bother to learn to read when you can smell meat a mile away?”

“People who think you can use terror are quite wrong. No, no, terror is useless, whatever its colour – white, red or even brown! Terror completely paralyses the nervous system.”

“Ah, professor, if only you had discovered a way of rejuvenating hair!” Chapter 2”

“Le chiedo scusa, professore:non era più un cane, era un uomo. Questo è il punto"."Perché poteva parlare? Ma questo non vuol dire essere uomini, almeno non ancora...comunque non importa, Pallino è sempre vivo, a nessuno è mai passato per la testa ammazzarlo".”

“There is absolutely no necessity to learn how to read; meat smells a mile off, anyway.”

“All the words he used in the beginning were gutter words. He heard them and stored them in his brain. Now, as I walk in the street, I look at dogs with secret horror. WHo knows what is hidden in their heads?”

“Ruin, therefore, is not caused by lavatories but it's something that starts in people's heads. So when these clowns start shouting "Stop the ruin!" - I laugh!' 'I swear to you, I find it laughable! Every one of them needs to hit himself on the back of the head and then when he has knocked all the hallucinations out of himself and gets on with sweeping out backyards - which is his real job - all this "ruin" will automatically disappear”

“But surely, Philip Philipovich, everybody says that 30-degree vodka is quite good enough.’ ‘Vodka should be at least 40 degrees, not 30 – that’s firstly,’ Philip Philipovich interrupted him didactically, ‘and secondly – God knows what muck they make into vodka nowadays. What do you think they use?’ ‘Anything they like,’ said the other doctor firmly. ‘I quite agree,’ said Philip Philipovich and hurled the contents of his glass down his throat in one gulp. ‘Ah . . . m’m . . . Doctor Bormenthal – please drink that at once and if you ask me what it is, I’m your enemy for life. “From Granada to Seville . . .” Chapter 3”

“The nauseating liquid choked the dog’s breathing and his head began to spin, then his legs collapsed and he seemed to be moving sideways. This is it, he thought dreamily as he collapsed on to the sharp slivers of glass. Goodbye, Moscow! I shan’t see Chichkin or the proletarians or Cracow sausages again. I’m going to the heaven for long-suffering dogs. You butchers – why did you have to do this to me? With that he finally collapsed on to his back and passed out.” Chapter 2”

“Chi non ha mai fretta trova il tempo per tutto.”

“Sì, è possibile trapiantare l'ipofisi di uno Spinoza o di qualche altro povero diavolo e fabbricare da un cane un essere intelligentissimo. Ma perché farlo? Me lo dica lei, per favore: perché fabbricare artificialmente gli Spinoza quando una qualunque donnetta è capace di sfornarne uno quando vuole. Madame Lomonosov ha messo al mondo a Cholmogory quel suo celeberrimo figlio. Dottore, è la stessa umanità che ci pensa e, grazie all'evoluzione, genera ostinatamente, ogni anno, dalla gentaglia più triviale, decine di geni eminenti, abbellendo il globo terrestre.”

“The movies are a woman’s only solace in life.”

“The dog rose on his hind legs in front of Philip Philipovich and performed obeisance to him.”

“You belong to the lowest possible stage of development,’ Philip Philipovich shouted him down. ‘You are still in the formative stage. You are intellectually weak, all your actions are purely bestial. Yet you allow yourself in the presence of two university-educated men to offer advice, with quite intolerable familiarity, on a cosmic scale and of quite cosmic stupidity, on the redistribution of wealth . . . and at the same time you eat toothpaste . . .”

“But I judge by the eyes—you can’t mistake them either near or far! Oh, eyes are a significant thing! Like a barometer. You can see everything—who has a vast desert in his heart, who can jab you in the ribs with the toe of his boot for no reason at all, and who is afraid of everything.”