The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning

“I often ask myself, Will anyone I know be happier if I save this?”

“Save your favorite dildo, but throw away the other fifteen!”

“A love one wishes to inherit nice things from you. Not all things from you.”

“You can always hope and wait for someone to want something in your home, but you cannot wait forever, and sometimes you must just give cherished things away with the wish that they end up with someone who will create new memories of their own.”

“The one thing we know for sure is that we will die one day. But before that you can try to do almost anything.”

“Do not ever imagine that anyone will wish—or be able—to schedule time off to take care of what you didn’t bother to take care of yourself. No matter how much they love you, don’t leave this burden to them.”

“Putting your house in order, if you can do it, is one of the most comforting activities, and the benefits of it are incalculable.” —LEONARD COHEN, THE NEW YORKER”

“Start with the large items in your home, and finish with the small.”

“A Christmas without a book for a present is a disappointment.”

“Beautiful things such as an African wooden bird, strange things like a singing magnetic pig, and funny things like a solar-powered waving bear are all things that I adore. My vice is really things. It took me a while to understand this, but you can enjoy all these things without owning them. Even though this may sometimes seem quite hard to do, training yourself to enjoy only looking at things, instead of buying them, is very nice and also a good practice. You really can't take everything with you, so maybe it is better to not try to own it all.”

“Life will become more pleasant and comfortable if we get rid of some of the abundance.”

“Women of my generation were brought up to not be in the way, to not trouble their surroundings with their presence. That is not the case with men, who take the space they are given for granted. My daughter sometimes says that I am so worried about being a nuisance that my worry itself becomes troublesome. Men don’t think like I do, but they should. They, too, can be in the way.”

“Living smaller is a relief.”

“Here in Stockholm on the 14th of August is a big annual book sale. A whole long street in the center of the city is occupied by tables with books that people want to sell. It is a fantastic day for those who want to get rid of some books and for those who want to pick up more. If there is not something like this where you live, maybe you can help start one.”

“Let me help make your loved ones' memories of you nice -- instead of awful.”

“Mess is an unnecessary source of irritation.”

“Don’t offer things that do not fit the recipient’s taste or the space in which they live. It will be a burden to them, and if they think your feelings might be hurt, it may be difficult for them to say “No, thank you.”

“It is amazing, and also a little strange, how many things we accumulate in a lifetime.”

“I do know people who maintain what we in Sweden call a fulskåp, a cabinet for the ugly. A fulskåp is a cupboard full of gifts you can’t stand to look at, and which are impossible to regift. Usually these are presents from distant aunts and uncles that you put on display when the giver comes to visit. This is a bad idea.”

“Only count the happy moments, and forget the ones that cause you sorrow.”

“Aging is certainly not for weaklings.”

“Old people seem to think time goes so quickly, but in fact it is we who have become slower.”

“This cycle of consumption we are all part of will eventually destroy our planet—but it doesn’t have to destroy the relationship you have with whomever you leave behind.”

“The boat was a type called an Optimist dinghy. It is a beginner's boat. If that little boat had been able to speak, no one would have believed all the stories it could have told: tales of victory and defeat, tales of oceans and islands and fjords it had brought its occupants to.”

“His snickarbod (Swedish for "toolshed") gradually became what I believe today is called a "man cave." In Swedish we also now sometimes call it mansdagis-- a male kindergarten, which makes me smile and which feels like an entirely appropriate word.”

“Sometimes the smallest changes can have amazing effects. If you find yourself repeatedly having the same problem, fix it!”

“Death cleaning is not about dusting or mopping up; it is about a permanent form of organization that makes your everyday life run more smoothly.”

“A loved one wishes to inherit nice things from you. Not all things from you.”

“G. Bengtsson, a Swedish author and poet whom my husband liked very much. The poem, “A Gazelle,” ends in the following way: The seagull knows a way to rest. The human heart, on earth, does not know yet.”

“If your parents are getting old and you don't know how to bring up the topic of what to do with all the stuff, I would suggest you pay them a visit, sit down, and ask some of the following questions in a gentle way:"You have many nice things, have you thought about what you want to do with it all later on?""Do you enjoy having all this stuff?""Could life be easier and less tiring if we got rid of some of this stuff that you have collected over the years?""Is there anything we can do together in a slow way so that there won't be too many things to handle later?”