The Sun and Her Flowers

“why is itthat when the story endswe begin to feel all of it”

“a lot of timeswe are angry at other peoplefor not doing whatwe should have done for ourselves- responsibility”

“despite knowingthey won’t be here for longthey still choose to livetheir brightest lives- sunflowers”

“what love looks likewhat does love look like the therapist asksone week after the breakupand i’m not sure how to answer her questionexcept for the fact that i thought lovelooked so much like youthat’s when it hit meand i realized how naive i had beento place an idea so beautiful on the image of a personas if anybody on this entire earthcould encompass all love representedas if this emotion seven billion people tremble forwould look like a five foot elevenmedium-sized brown-skinned guywho likes eating frozen pizza for breakfastwhat does love look like the therapist asks againthis time interrupting my thoughts midsentenceand at this point i’m about to get upand walk right out the doorexcept i paid too much money for this hourso instead i take a piercing look at herthe way you look at someonewhen you’re about to hand it to themlips pursed tightly preparing to launch into conversationeyes digging deeply into theirssearching for all the weak spotsthey have hidden somewherehair being tucked behind the earsas if you have to physically prepare for a conversationon the philosophies or rather disappointmentsof what love looks likewell i tell heri don’t think love is him anymoreif love was himhe would be here wouldn’t heif he was the one for mewouldn’t he be the one sitting across from meif love was him it would have been simplei don’t think love is him anymore i repeati think love never wasi think i just wanted somethingwas ready to give myself to somethingi believed was bigger than myselfand when i saw someonewho probably fit the parti made it very much my intentionto make him my counterpartand i lost myself to himhe took and he tookwrapped me in the word specialuntil i was so convinced he had eyes only to see mehands only to feel mea body only to be with meoh how he emptied mehow does that make you feelinterrupts the therapistwell i saidit kind of makes me feel like shitmaybe we’re looking at it wrongwe think it’s something to search for out theresomething meant to crash into uson our way out of an elevatoror slip into our chair at a cafe somewhereappear at the end of an aisle at the bookstorelooking the right amount of sexy and intellectualbut i think love starts hereeverything else is just desire and projectionof all our wants needs and fantasiesbut those externalities could never work outif we didn’t turn inward and learnhow to love ourselves in order to love other peoplelove does not look like a personlove is our actionslove is giving all we caneven if it’s just the bigger slice of cakelove is understandingwe have the power to hurt one anotherbut we are going to do everything in our powerto make sure we don’t love is figuring out all the kind sweetness we deserveand when someone shows upsaying they will provide it as you dobut their actions seem to break yourather than build youlove is knowing who to choose”

“You do not just wake up and become the butterfly" -Growth is a process.”

“and here you are livingdespite it all”

“you left and i wanted you still yet i deserved someone who was willing to stay”

“i standon the sacrificesof a million women before methinkingwhat can i doto make this mountain tallerso the women after mecan see farther- legacy”

“it isn't what we left behindthat breaks meit's whatever we could've builthad we stayed”

“If I'm not the love of your lifeI'll be the greatest loss instead”

“what is the greatest lesson a woman should learnthat since day oneshe's already had everything she needs within herselfit's the world that convinced her she did not”

“you're everywhereexcept right hereand it hurts”

“we have been dyingsince we got hereand forgot to enjoy the view- live fully”

“when deathtakes my handi will hold you with the otherand promise to find youin every lifetime”

“the right one does not stand in your way they make space for you to step forward”

“you askif we can still be friendsi explain how a honeybeedoes not dream kissingthe mouth of a flowerand then settle for its leaves”

“never feel guilty for starting again”

“i could be anything in the world but i wanted to be his”

“i ammade of waterof course i am emotional”

“this morningI told the flowerswhat I'd do for youand they blossomed”

“I will no longer compare my path to others -I refuse to do a disservice to my life”

“i hardened under the last loss. it took something human out of me. i used to be so deeply emotional i’d crumble on demand. but now the water has made its exit. of course i care about the ones around me. i’m just struggling to show it. a wall is getting in the way. i used to dream of being so strong nothing could shake me. now. i am. so strong. that nothing shakes me. and all i dream is to soften.”

“i have survived far too much to go quietlylet a meteor take mecall the thunder for backupmy death will be grandthe land will crackthe sun will eat itself- the day I leave”

“if I am the longest relationship of my life isn't it time to nurture intimacy and love with the person I lie in bed with each night”

“it isn't blood that makes you my sisterit's how you understand my heartas though you carry itin your body”

“trust your body it reacts to right and wrong better than your mind does”

“the irony of loneliness is we all feel itat the same time - together”

“this place makes me the kind of exhausted that has nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with the people around me - introvert”

“what is stronger than the human heartwhich shatters over and over and still lives”

“what is it with you and sunflowers he asksi point to the field of yellow outsidesunflowers worship the sun i tell himonly when it arrives do they risewhen the sun leavesthey bow their heads in mourningthat is what the sun does to those flowersit's what you do to me- the sun and her flowers”