Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl

“Better late than never."-Dork Diaries”

“STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL FAUX VOMIT:1 cup of cooked oatmeal1.2 cup of sour cream (or buttermilk ranch dressing or anything that smells like rancid, sour milk)2 chopped cheese sticks (for chunkiness)1 uncooked egg (for authentic slimy texture)1 can of split pea soup (for putrid green color)1/4 cup of raisins (to increase gross-osity)Mix ingredients and simmer over low heat for 2 minutesLet mixture cool to warm vomit temperatureUse liberally as neededMakes 4 to 5 cups”

“You're such a big BABY. So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT”

“BTW, the roach's name is Max (courtesy of Brianna, "because of I had a puppy, I'd name him Max").”

“idea the situation was so bad until I asked each committee member to present a status report at our meeting this morning.”

“While most students in our city would be attending their”

“Pour ingredients into bottle and shake vigorously for 1 minute or until mixed. For best results, spray liberally in areas where fairy is not wanted. Will repel fairies and most flying insects for 23 years. Excess can be refrigerated and stored for up to 7 days for use as a zesty vinaigrette salad dressing.”

“Excuse me, but what’s with all the red ink? It looks like you had a really bad nosebleed and used my geometry test as a tissue or something!”

“Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah,” and then you just repeat those words 1,962 times until the song is over.”

“emergency”

“wanted talentless junk, I would have framed my poodle’s”

“(NO SNOOPING ALLOWED!!”

“notice them goofing around behind his back like that. Chloe and Zoey are really nice and sweet friends, but sometimes”

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person at my school who believes Satan’s kid sister has a locker right next to mine.”

“And if you decide to cancel it, make sure you notify Principal Winston and the student council. Although, I wouldn’t want to be the one to disappoint the entire school”

“We cracked up laughing again.”

“You’re such a big BABY. So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge and GET OVER IT!”

“Sorry, MacKenzie! But I’m REALLY busy right now. Can I IGNORE you some other time?!”

“really helped set the fun mood.”

“No, actually, I came in here to ask if you’d go to the dance with me?”

“I was in the girls’ bathroom when I overheard MacKenzie bragging to her friends that she was practically almost 99.9% sure she and Brandon were going to the dance together as Edward and Bella from Twilight.”

“chairperson.”

“Thanks, MacKenzie. You’re such a big BABY. So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT!”

“Talk about EVIL! MacKenzie makes the Wicked Witch of the West look like Dora the Explorer. I’m just saying . . .!”

“Hi, Dag! Hi, Mog! Cheee-whoooo. Whath up! I’m willy berry thorry I woke you up. Cheee-whoooo. I wuz justh working on my scieneth project and Brianna’s room got a bit methy. Cheee-whoooo. LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER!! Cheee-whoooo.”

“Moooommm! I wanna be a karate-chop girl! Not one of those pointy-toe-hoppers with the pink scratchy”

“Talk about EVIL! MacKenzie makes the Wicked Witch of the West look like Dora the Explorer.”