Every Last Secret

“There were men you owned. There were men you borrowed. And then there were men you took. I would never let anyone take him”

“Broken women cannot be held accountable for their actions.”

“Some of you may hate it. Some of you will love it. If I made you feel something, then I’ve done my job.”

“you had to act decisively and take the consequences. Grab life by the balls. My husband liked to tickle them with a feather and then wander away.”

“That was the secret to success in this town. Presenting a picture of effortless perfection with behind-the-scenes ruthless hard work. Everyone thought I woke up as Cat Winthorpe one day, but I had clawed and scraped for every piece of this life. Still did.”

“Act. Enjoy. Regret. Push away. Yearn. Obsess. Justify. Obsess. Turn against those who keep them from their addiction. Obsess. Act.”

“Blurred lines. Smear enough of them together, and you could change the color of everything.”

“Fine.” He dropped his hand from my chin. “Skirt up. Panties down. And if you feel the need to scream, don’t.”

“Don’t Be A, followed by a photo of a rooster and a lollipop.”

“There were men you owned. There were men you borrowed. And then there were men you took. I would never let anyone take him from me.”

“Keeping my mouth shut was a skill I’d perfected a long time ago.”

“William Winthorpe had been the right mark, targeted with a well-oiled execution, but I had made the horrible assumption that I was the smartest person in this game.”

“hand”

“All I wanted was for her life to be systematically destroyed. Goodbye, reputation. Goodbye, career. Goodbye, husband.”

“Every time he reestablished boundaries or held himself in check, I wanted him more. I appreciated him more.”

“The real William Winthorpe was an asshole, and I was fascinated by him.”

“Maybe because part of me wanted to see if I would get caught and what my sweet, perfect wife would do when she found out what I’d done.”

“Keeping my mouth shut was a skill I’d perfected a long time ago. It was the gossipers who got in trouble. The braggers.”

“Chess is easy if you think ahead, the further out the better. You have to weigh the strengths you have. Decide what pieces can be sacrificed. Choose what pieces need to be protected. But the key, Scott preached, if playing against any skilled opponent, was the fake. You had to convince them that you were moving down one path—maybe a dumb path, an innocent path—while you skillfully tiptoed through your true plan, the one that would lead them straight to checkmate.”

“It was brilliant of her, expertly played, a cat lying quietly in the bushes and watching all her mice dance to their deaths.”

“Our first solo activity—brunch last weekend—had been a painful process that had reminded me of why I had stopped taking on new friends. I could only listen to someone brag about themselves for so long before I needed to see a genuine side.”

“I don’t think either of us are. William was ready to throw us away over an ego boost. I was ready to destroy a woman’s life out of protective spite. How can I raise a baby if I can’t even control myself?”

“She did?” There was such painful hope in his voice. How did he still love her, a year later? A year full of blind dates, and one-night stands, and eating whatever he wanted, and pure freedom, and yet he wanted her back. Yearned for her. Called me in the middle of the night, drunk and heartbroken, aching for her.”

“Guilt over torturing a woman who was clearly mentally unhinged. Guilt over ruining her marriage with the one man who could live with her faults. She had set out to destroy my marriage, but I had succeeded in destroying her life.”

“It had all been going perfectly until the hard right turn that had thrown me into hell. Hell and a queen-bed hotel room with a rattling air conditioner and questionable pay-per-view options.”

“Which was why I’d had to do this. I’d had to show him how terrible his life was with her. I’d had to force the break, or he’d never have done it on his own, and she would never have any repercussions for her horrible actions.”

“I wanted him to bind himself to us and to vow to never so much as look at another woman.”

“Matt was a good guy, but I had been a good wife. He had sworn to love, honor, and protect me, and that’s where his guilt should have been focused.”

“used to think of him as a god. When had he fallen? When had he changed, so definitively, from the man I had married? Was he really this weak and helpless against basic human desires? It meant nothing. “That was not how I expected you to find out. If you ever found out.” He turned his head to the side, his profile visible but his eyes still elusive. “I’m sorry you had to hear it like this.”

“It meant nothing. I choked on the words, vaguely aware that we had an audience, the kitchen staff falling quiet as my husband pissed all over our marriage. He had risked our marriage over something that meant nothing? What did that say about us? Our life? Its worth to him? I gripped the edge of the counter to keep myself from sinking to the floor, my response silenced by Matt’s next words.”