For Whom the Belle Tolls

“Lily,” Sharkie said. “Yeah?” “Is this a swearing kind of situation?” “Yeah.” “Fuck.”

“But, damn it, she just wasn’t built that way. She wasn’t built to break, no matter how much she wanted to, and she silently and half-heartedly cursed that fucking part of her that wouldn’t—couldn’t—let her be that vulnerable, even alone.”

“Oh, wait! How about ‘Help Desk,’ but spelled with two L’s? Hellp Desk?”

“She’d been grumpy about it right up until FruitBat had found her body and began the trial with: “Who the fuck killed my nerd wife?!”

“Grief isn't linear. There's no formula to it, and sometimes you feel guilty for feeling or not feeling a certain way. That's okay.”

“If you’re scared and choose to be fierce anyway, that’s called being brave”

“Seeing herself as unimportant was safe. Unimportance was safe, being a disappointment was safe. There were no expectations, no standards, no more pedestals to fall from.”

“I still want to be kind, but I don’t want to have to be nice anymore.”

“Nothing about us feels temporary, and things that aren't temporary require effort. I can't do this for you, Bel, but I will do it with you, and I am honored to do so.”

“Everyone in the mortal world had made such a fuss about finding someone you were willing to die for, and there was a dramatic power to that, she supposed. But finding someone you were willing to live for? To fall in love with over and over through lifetimes, or to love for the whole of an eternity? She'd take that kind of love any day.”

“Our first thoughts about a situation are seldom what we actually believe. They are what we have been conditioned to think, or sometimes they truly are random spits of consciousness. But our second thoughts, ah, that is where we are. It has helped me, working in this position, to forgive myself for my terrible first thoughts, and to pay more attention to my second thoughts”

“Beauty feeds the soul, my sweet boy. It takes many forms, some of them obvious, like a flower in bloom or the laughter of a child, but sometimes it is hidden, though it is never absent. Find beauty.”

“She tried to not need things because her mother was exhausted taking care of three kids, and when Lily needed things, it made her cranky. So Lily learned to try and take care of herself. She figured that it would be good practice for when she got to be a mom, because moms figured stuff out. She’d always been praised for her maturity, for being an “old soul,” but sometimes Lily was painfully aware of how young and confused and desperate to please she was.”

“You don’t have to worry about changing the whole world, princess, that’s too big for anyone. But if anyone can change that child’s world, it’s you.”

“What is Gandalf’s favorite band? The Eagles.”

“Too many people abuse the power of choice. Too many people take the power of choice away from others.”

“Bel covered her hand with his again, shaking his head in wonder. "Nothing about you feels temporary.”

“I’m sorry. However, when the fuckers who did this get down here, and it’s time for them to reap what they sowed, I’m sorry for that too. Because I will do my level best to make you look like an amateur at the job you created.” Lucifer’s power rippled, a slow smile easing onto his lips. “Ms. Lily, I believe that sounds like a challenge.” Lily smiled back. “Think you’re up to it?”

“There is teddy bear nice, and there is momma bear nice. You are momma bear nice.”

“Have you ever expected something and then suddenly had it yanked away from you? Or realized that it was never actually going to happen, and you’d been lying to yourself the whole time? It’s a shitty feeling.”

“But you're a prince to me. Not in the shitty paperwork, 'you got assigned to be a prince of Hell' way, but in the 'you have a good heart' way.”

“I want to be happy with you, princess. For as long as you’ll let me. Whatever time we have together will be a greater gift than I deserve. And when you go back to the mortal world”—his voice grew raspy—“I will be cheering for you every step of the way, honored that, even for a short time, I got to call you mine.”

“Home and family may not always look the way we imagined they would.”

“She was Lily, of Paradise, of Hell, of whatever she fucking felt like, and she was going to handle this. Because that’s what princesses did. Handled shit.”

“Nothing about you feels temporary.”

“He said I was the best things in his life, yet I wasn't enough to hold him here, for us to have more time. Almost everyone I know gets so much more time.”

“We all have terrible thoughts, yes? Sometimes they leap into our minds out of nowhere, other times they creep out of crevices in ourselves we were unaware of or tried to forget. This is normal. It is a condition of life, of being, that our minds shock us sometimes. But this is where we define ourselves: we are either horrified or confused or disgusted by these thoughts and work to change them, or we let them rule us.”

“The unconditional love she’d been told to expect had had some conditions after all.”

“Hours and a lifetime spent working on herself, fighting to be better, failing sometimes, her sharp tongue slicing like a knife, even as her brain begged her to shut up. Trying to live. Trying to die, once. Trying to be kinder. Trying to be worse. Trying to make an impact. Trying to not make things worse. Trying to love better. Trying to heal. Trying.”

“All due respect, I don't think there is anything 'just' about you. Few mortals venture down here of their own free will, let alone offer to help us at the gate. For that, you have all of our thanks”