Insurgent

“People, I have discovered, are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them.”

“We both have war inside us. Sometimes it keeps us alive. Sometimes it threatens to destroy us.”

“Cruelty does not make a person dishonest, the same way bravery does not make a person kind.”

“Sleep,” he says. “I'll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you.” “With what?” “My bare hands, obviously.”

“Got that gun?” Peter says to Tobias. “No,” says Tobias, “I figured I would shoot the bullets out of my nostrils, so I left it upstairs.”

“It reminds me why I chose Dauntless in the first place: not because they are perfect, but because they are alive. Because they are free.”

“No matter how long you train someone to be brave, you never know if they are or not until something real happens.”

“Like a wild animal, the truth is too powerful to remain caged.”

“I’ll be your family now,” he says.“I love you,” I say.I said that once, before I went to Erudite headquarters, but he was asleep then. I don’t know why I didn’t say it when he could hear it. Maybe I was afraid to trust him with something so personal as my devotion. Or afraid that I did not know what it was to love someone. But now I think the scary thing was not saying it before it was almost too late. Not saying it before it was almost too late for me.I am his, and he is mine, and it has been that way all along.He stares at me. I wait with my hands clutching his arms for stability as he considers his response.He frowns at me. “Say it again.”“Tobias,” I say, “I love you.”His skin is slippery with water and he smells like sweat and my shirt sticks to his arms when he slides them around me. He presses his face to my neck and kisses me right above the collarbone, kisses my cheek, kisses my lips.“I love you, too,” he says.”

“Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you.”

“I’m not important. Everyone will do just fine without me,” I say.“Who cares about everyone? What about me?”

“I am his, and he is mine, and it has been that way all along.”

“I pout my lower lip for a second, but then I grin as the pieces come together."That's why you like me!" I exclaim. "Because you're not very nice either! It makes so much more sense now.”

“The truth has a way of changing people's plans.”

“We're all right, you know,' he says quietly. 'You and me. Okay?' My chest aches, and I nod. 'Nothing else is all right.' His whisper tickles my cheek. 'But we are.”

“You die, I die too.” Tobias looks over his shoulder at me. “I asked you not to do this. You made your decision. These are the repercussions.”

“I read somewhere, one, that crying defies scientific explanation. Tears are only meant to lubricate the eyes. There is no real reason for tear glands to overproduce tears at the behest of emotion.I think we cry to release the animal parts of us without losing our humanity. Because inside of me is a beast that snarls, and growls, and strains toward freedom, toward Tobias, and, above all, towards life. And as hard as I try, I cannot kill it.”

“Insurgent, he says. Noun. A person who acts in opposition to the established authority, who is not necessarily regarded as a belligerent.”

“I could never hurt him enough to make his betrayal stop hurting. And it hurts, in every part of my body.”

“Sometimes,” he says, sliding his arm across my shoulders, “people just want to be happy, even if it’s not real.”

“Do remember, though, that sometimes the people you oppress become mightier than you would like.”

“You look older.”“Yes, well. The passage of time tends to do that to a person.”

“Killing you is not the worst thing they can do to you," I say. "Controlling you is.”

“I love Tris the Divergent, who makes decisions apart from faction loyalty, who isn’t some faction archetype. But the Tris who’s trying as hard as she can to destroy herself … I can’t love her.”I want to scream. But not because I’m angry, because I’m afraid he’s right. My hands shake and I grab the hem of my shirt to steady them.He touches his forehead to mine and closes his eyes. “I believe you’re still in there,” he says against my mouth. “Come back.”

“And sometimes, if you want the truth, you have to demand it.”

“So, the thing we’re all not talking about,” he says. He gestures to me. “You almost died, a sadistic pansycake saved you, and now we’re all waging some serious war with the factionless as allies.”“Pansycake?” says Christina.“Dauntless slang.” Lynn smirks. “Supposed to be a huge insult, only no one uses it anymore.”“Because it’s so offensive,” says Uriah, nodding.“No. Because it’s so stupid no Dauntless with any sense would speak it, let alone think it. Pansycake. What are you, twelve?”“And a half,” he says.”

“I do know who you are. I just needed to be reminded.”

“Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless.”

“I think it would be easier to fight in a dress,” says Marlene, tapping her chin. “It would give your legs freer movement. And who really cares if you flash people your underwear, as long as you’re kicking the crap out of them?”Lynn goes silent, like she recognizes that as a spark of brilliance but can’t bring herself to admit it.“What’s this about flashing underwear?” says Uriah, sidestepping a bunk. “Whatever it is, I’m in.”

“May the peace of God be with you,” she says, her voice low, “even in the midst of trouble.”“Why would it?” I say softly, so no one else can hear. “After all I’ve done...”“It isn’t about you,” she says. “It is a gift. You cannot earn it, or it ceases to be a gift.”