Men, Women, and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough

“Empathy heals shame; sympathy exacerbates shame. We don't want people to feel sorry for us; we want people to be with us.”

“This idea that we ask men to show up and to be vulnerable, to let themselves be seen, but that we really can’t tolerate it, was probably one of the most significant patterns that emerged from my work with men. When I went back and talked to women about this, or I did interviews with both men and women, the response was, ‘it’s true. I ask him to be vulnerable, I ask him to show up, I ask him to show me the fear, but when he does it I am terrified and my response is shut that down immediately, I don’t want to see that’.”

“To know shame is to be human. And to have the capacity for empathy is also to be human.”

“Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.”