Clouds

How can I study from below, that which is above?

That is what we do each time we see someone who falls in love with evil strategies, until we hurl him into misery, so he may learn to fear the Gods.

Unjust Discourse: To invoke solely the weaker arguments and yet triumph is a talent worth more than a hundred thousand drachmae.

SOCRATES. Silence, old man, give heed to the prayers.... Oh! most mighty king, the boundless air, that keepest the earth suspended in space, thou bright Aether and ye venerable goddesses, the Clouds, who carry in your loins the thunder and the lightning, arise, ye sovereign powers and manifest yourselves in the celestial spheres to the eyes of the sage.

Strep. Socrates! My little Socrates! Socrates. Why callest thou me, thou creature of a day? Strep. First tell me, I beseech you, what are you doing. Soc. I am walking in the air, and speculating about thesun. Strep. And so you look down upon the gods from yourbasket, and not from the earth? Soc. For I should not have rightly discovered thingscelestial if I had not suspended the intellect, andmixed the thought in a subtle form with its kindred air.But if, being on the ground, I speculated from below onthings above, I should never have discovered them. Forthe earth forcibly attracts to itself the meditativemoisture. Water-cresses also suffer the very same thing. Strep. What do you say? Does meditation attract themoisture to the water-cresses? Come then, my littleSocrates, descend to me, that you may teach me thosethings, for the sake of which I have come.

Socrates: So now you won't acknowledge any gods except the ones we do--Chaos, the Clouds, the Tongue--just these three?Strepsiades: Absolutely-- I'd refuse to talk to any other gods,if I ran into them--and I declineto sacrifice or pour libations to them.I'll not provide them any incense...I want to twist all legal verdicts in my favor,to evade my creditors.Chorus Leader: You'll get that, just what you desire. For what you want is nothing special. So be confident--give yourself over to our agents here.Strepsiades:I'll do that--I'll place my trust in you. Necessity is weighing me down--the horses, those thoroughbreds, my marriage--all that has worn me out. So now, this body of mine I'll give to them, with no strings attached, to do with as they like--to suffer blows, go without food and drink, live like a pig, to freeze or have my skin flayed for a pouch-- if I can just get out of all my debt and make men think of me as bold and glib, as fearless, impudent, detestable, one who cobbles lies together, makes up words, a practiced legal rogue, a statute book, a chattering fox, sly and needle sharp, a slippery fraud, a sticky rascal, foul whipping boy or twisted villain, troublemaker, or idly prattling fool. If they can make those who run into me call me these names, they can do what they want--no questions asked. If, by Demeter, they're keen, they can convert me into sausages and serve me up to men who think deep thoughts.Chorus: Here's a man whose mind's now smart, no holding back--prepared to start. When you have learned all this from me you know your glory will arise among all men to heaven's skies.Strepsiades: And what will I get out of this?Chorus: For all time, you'll live with me a life most people truly envy.Strepsiades: You mean one day I'll really see that?Chorus: Hordes will sit outside your door wanting your advice and more-- to talk, to place their trust in you for their affairs and lawsuits, too, things which merit your great mind. They'll leave you lots of cash behind.Chorus Leader: [to Socrates] So get started with this old man's lessons, what you intend to teach him first of all--rouse his mind, test his intellectual powers.Socrates: Come on then, tell me the sort of man you are--once I know that, I can bring to bear on you my latest batteries with full effect.Strepsiades: What's that? By god, are you assaulting me?Socrates: No--I want to learn some things from you. What about your memory?Strepsiades: To tell the truth, it works two ways. If someone owes me something, I remember really well. But if it's poor me that owes the money, I forget a lot.Socrates: Do you have a natural gift for speech?Strepsiades: Not for speaking--only for evading debt.Socrates: ... Now, what do you do if someone hits you?Strepsiades: If I get hit, I wait around a while, then find witnesses, hang around some more, then go to court.

Strep. Then what shall I gain, pray? Soc. You shall become in oratory a tricky knave, athorough rattle, a subtle speaker.

Cho. O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us!How happy will you become among the Athenians and amongthe Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and bea deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted inyour soul, and you be not wearied either by standing orwalking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering withcold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain fromwine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, andconsider this the highest excellence, as is proper aclever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, andby battling with your tongue.

Phid. In what then, pray, shall I obey you? Strep. Reform your habits as quickly as possible, and goand learn what I advise. Phid. Tell me now, what do you prescribe? Strep. And will you obey me at all? Phid. By Bacchus, I will obey you. Strep. Look this way then! Do you see this little doorand little house? Phid. I see it. What then, pray, is this, father? Strep. This is a thinking-shop of wise spirits. Theredwell men who in speaking of the heavens persuade peoplethat it is an oven, and that it encompasses us, and thatwe are the embers. These men teach, if one give themmoney, to conquer in speaking, right or wrong. Phid. Who are they? Strep. I do not know the name accurately. They areminute philosophers, noble and excellent. Phid. Bah! They are rogues; I know them. You mean thequacks, the pale-faced wretches, the bare-footedfellows, of whose numbers are the miserable Socrates andChaerephon. Strep. Hold! Hold! Be silent! Do not say anythingfoolish. But, if you have any concern for your father'spatrimony, become one of them, having given up yourhorsemanship. Phid. I would not, by Bacchus, even if you were to giveme the pheasants which Leogoras rears! Strep. Go, I entreat you, dearest of men, go and betaught. Phid. Why, what shall I learn? Strep. They say that among them are both the twocauses—the better cause, whichever that is, and theworse: they say that the one of these two causes, theworse, prevails, though it speaks on the unjust side.If, therefore you learn for me this unjust cause, Iwould not pay any one, not even an obolus of thesedebts, which I owe at present on your account. Phid. I can not comply; for I should not dare to lookupon the knights, having lost all my colour.

For I havebeen called among the deep thinkers the "worse cause" onthis very account, that I first contrived how to speakagainst both law and justice; and this art is worth morethan ten thousand staters, that one should choose theworse cause, and nevertheless be victorious.

STREPSIADES. So the rear of a gnat is a trumpet. Oh! what a splendid discovery! Thrice happy Socrates! ‘Twould not be difficult to succeed in a law-suit, knowing so much about the gut of a gnat!

Soc. For, in fact, these alone are goddesses; and allthe rest is nonsense. Strep. But come, by the Earth, is not Jupiter, theOlympian, a god? Soc. What Jupiter? Do not trifle. There is no Jupiter. Strep. What do you say? Who rains then? For first of allexplain this to me. Soc. These to be sure. I will teach you it by powerfulevidence. Come, where have you ever seen him raining atany time without Clouds? And yet he ought to rain infine weather, and these be absent. Strep. By Apollo, of a truth you have rightly confirmedthis by your present argument. And yet, before this, Ireally thought that Jupiter caused the rain. But tell mewho is it that thunders. This makes me tremble. Soc. These, as they roll, thunder. Strep. In what way? you all-daring man! Soc. When they are full of much water, and are compelledto be borne along, being necessarily precipitated whenfull of rain, then they fall heavily upon each other andburst and clap. Strep. Who is it that compels them to borne along? Is itnot Jupiter? Soc. By no means, but aethereal Vortex. Strep. Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter didnot exist, and that Vortex now reigned in his stead.

Socrate. Tiens-tu quelque chose ?Strepsiade. Non, par Zeus, non certes.Socrate. Rien du tout ?Strepsiade. Rien... que ma verge dans ma main droite.

STREPSIADES. Very well then! Look this way. Do you see that little door and that little house? PHIDIPPIDES. Yes, father. But what are you driving at? STREPSIADES. That is the school of wisdom. There, they prove that we are coals enclosed on all sides under a vast extinguisher, which is the sky. If well paid, these men also teach one how to gain law-suits, whether they be just or not. PHIDIPPIDES. What do they call themselves? STREPSIADES. I do not know exactly, but they are deep thinkers and most admirable people.

Strep. Tell me, O Socrates, I beseech you, by Jupiter,who are these that have uttered this grand song? Arethey some heroines? Soc. By no means; but heavenly Clouds, great divinitiesto idle men; who supply us with thought and argument,and intelligence and humbug, and circumlocution, andability to hoax, and comprehension

The night I wedded her, I went to bedsmelling of fresh wine, fleeces, figs and greataffluence, and she on her side reeked oflubricant, saffron seeds, tongue kisses, wealth,gluttony and the Goddess of Sex.